I pull up to the end of my driveway, yet another end to yet another workday. As usual, I open my driver’s door and step out into the street. The standard grunt and groan as my back and legs are stretched shortly follow. I walk over to my mailbox to fetch my daily junk mail, already keeping in mind that spot on the floor of my truck where it will no doubtingly end up.
What’s this? A strange plastic envelope-like container rests in my box, clueless as to what it may be, I reach in and examine it. There must have been some mistake, I hadn’t ordered anything. A quick look over of the package and oddly, it is addressed to me. A series of possibilities flash through my confused mind, to no avail.
I then recall that strange text I received from my father the week prior, asking for my exact address with no explanation or reason. Hmm, two and two go together easily enough I suppose, but what could this object be? The sender was some company whose name I had never heard of, and no other clue was presented externally.
Wanting to get home to let my dogs out back, I climb into the truck and crawl up the hill to my house. Once inside and my pup’s bladders emptied, I open the package to reveal an item I knew of but had never seen before.
An electronic cigarette.
Ugh, I remember my parents talking about them to me over the phone some time ago, this odd techno fad in which I had no interest. But what the hell, I open the box, read the instructions and plug the battery in.
Plugging in a cigarette, what a foreign concept.
I take a shower, feed my best friends and have some grub for myself, I then notice the “cigarette” battery is fully charged. So I once again read the instructions and clumsily assemble the three-piece “cigarette”. I place it to my mouth and attempt my first “electric drag”…
Words cannot describe.
Literally, I could not for the life of me put into words what this “thing” was. It certainly wasn’t a cigarette, that is for damn sure. It doesn’t taste like one, doesn’t feel like one, and very much does not smell like one. This isn’t going to work.
It doesn’t taste bad, mind you, but it certainly lacks that smokey kick in the chest. I give it another try, this time going for broke, I pull out all the stops and bring it into the deepest reaches of my lungs.
It took about a minute or so before the coughing came to an end. This thing may have a future after all. I carried on with it, here and there, for the rest of the evening, slowly learning it’s attributes and tendencies. At the end of the night, I was laying in bed watching a movie, puffing away. It was nice not having to put one out and relight another constantly.
Then I dropped it.
It landed right on my chest, garnering a startled yell from me, followed by a quick series of frantic patting to the area. Then I remembered that it wasn’t actually burning, that was the first moment of true appreciation.
I won’t drag on any longer, the rest of the story goes without saying (ever notice how that phrase is almost always followed by the rest of the story being said?).
The vapor transition had begun…
(This was one year ago this month!)