Zombies Prefer Vapers
It’s a proven fact that zombies are among us. They are hanging back waiting for the perfect moment to strike humanity when we are at our weakest. They introduced the world to analog cigarettes thousands of years ago. The actual date was 600 A.D. on a cold winter night, the first snowfall of the year. The zombies knew the delicious warmth of tobacco would be the downfall for the living. The zombies learned how to fake human interaction. Have you ever met someone not quite right? Drooling, randomly mumbling to themselves, and they sniff your neck a little too often. Gary Busey… zombie! Now these zombies might be dead and constantly craving human flesh, but they are smart enough to trick us into thinking cigarettes are a good idea. They also knew that the 4000 chemicals they added would slowly weaken humans to the point of debilitating illness. We all know humans with COPD can’t run very fast!
Credit: gwarmor13 @ DeviantArt
Now to introduce vapers. Some of you may ask yourself what the heck is this so called ‘vaper’. Electronic cigarettes produce vapor. Therefore people who exhale vapor, become known as vapers. Duh! Now how does this effect the zombies? Well, they are panicking! Humans are switching from the death sticks to these ecigs. They are regaining their health, strength and endurance. Everyone knows the first rule for preparing for the zombie apocalypse is cardio. We have the zombies scared. But, wait… What’s that smell? Blueberries, cinnamon rolls, vanilla, and healthy brains. We are becoming more appetizing. Humans are beginning to smell better! Their organs are circulating healthier blood and the zombies are drooling. The zombies are rising up, unable to hide any longer.
EcigAdvanced has had to barricade the office from the ensuing attack. We would like to keep our organs on the inside. We are here to warn vapers first to prepare. There is an upside to our delicious, zombie attracting scent. We can run! We can fight! These healthy humans need to band together, a vaping army, to save the vulnerable smoking humans. They are weak and helpless, but nonetheless deserve to live as long as they can. You will recognize the signs of these zombies losing control of their pretense to being ‘human’. We will be followed. We will be drooled on in public. They will come in herds and follow the sweet smells of vapor. Finally they will try to sink their rotting nasty teeth into our delectable parts. If you’ve ever watched TV, you know what to do! If you haven’t, what the heck is wrong with you and maybe you deserve to become one of them.
Let’s keep using ecigs and recruit as many smokers (soon to be ecig users) for our massive, zombie fighting, army! Oh, and start preparing your crossbows, the attack is coming to a town near you.
Morrinb on February 21st, 2013 7:27 pm
Fabulous!!!!!
crystalT64 on February 21st, 2013 7:38 pm
I KNEW THEY WERE REAL DAMN IT !!!!!!LOL
crystalT64 on February 21st, 2013 7:39 pm
HEY JUST HAD A THOUGHT MAYBE PLUID IS THE ANTIDOTE TO A BITE ??? LMAO
AbbyOlmstead on February 21st, 2013 7:40 pm
Good point! Pluid is pretty potent!!
Pageanmoon on February 21st, 2013 8:04 pm
LOVE THIS ONE!!!!
Scott on February 21st, 2013 8:42 pm
haha this is awesome.
roni on February 21st, 2013 8:50 pm
hahaha awesomeness!
Michelle on February 21st, 2013 9:04 pm
LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!
Michelle on February 21st, 2013 9:19 pm
I really love when you write I can’t get enough!! MORE PLEASE
John "Shub" Fellhoelter on February 21st, 2013 9:46 pm
Ha, this is a good funny post.
I need to get involved in the Walking dead.. or whatever that hot TV show is.
Lisa O'Quinn on February 21st, 2013 10:00 pm
Love this!! Hilarious!!!
hallucinoJEN on February 21st, 2013 10:29 pm
Thanks for the laugh, Abby! I really needed it today! XD
chuckss on February 21st, 2013 10:34 pm
Lol, great post, thanks for the laugh.
Ms Puffinstuff on February 22nd, 2013 12:19 am
This is a little worrying. Even though I do feel healthier already I’m kind of old and running fast is going to be a problem. Does it help to zig zag, like when you’re running from alligators?
slap_maxwell on February 22nd, 2013 5:58 am
Always keep 5ml bottles of something you don’t like to throw at them…it will confuse them for a second and that might mean the difference between life or zombieosis.
Todd on February 22nd, 2013 6:14 am
omg…absolutely LOVED it lol
saboiniaune on February 22nd, 2013 10:52 am
hehehe when the zombie attacks im trippin you!!!! hehe>:} good post
Chad on February 22nd, 2013 11:12 am
Abby, this is awesome!
Amanda on February 22nd, 2013 12:36 pm
lmao…I seriously hope the antidote isnt Pluid
GhOsT DoGg 79 on February 22nd, 2013 12:51 pm
The antidote is Zombie Blood from GLV
Zane on February 22nd, 2013 7:37 pm
Oh lord.. With the Zombies again.. Ill just stick with coffee flavors so I wont be Zombified
Fiver on February 23rd, 2013 12:30 am
Better freshen up on your zombie movies and The Walking Dead!
Courtney on February 23rd, 2013 3:21 am
HA! I Love it!
DemonFire on February 24th, 2013 11:57 pm
I’m ready for them.
Tyler on February 25th, 2013 5:29 am
Awesome makeup!
Holden on February 25th, 2013 6:21 am
Zombiess Mmmm
mrcrunch08 on February 26th, 2013 1:16 am
I’m ready let them come.
Philippe Caron-Boutin on February 26th, 2013 9:00 pm
LOL!
mongrel on February 26th, 2013 9:29 pm
Well now I know we’ll all be preparing together.
flux83 on February 27th, 2013 6:10 am
haha thats funny!
Holden on February 28th, 2013 8:08 am
:p
brianwilson on February 28th, 2013 8:08 pm
lol. nice and funny
Ralph on March 1st, 2013 5:06 am
brain flavor vape you say
Hannah on March 1st, 2013 5:30 am
HAHA love it!
Danielle on March 3rd, 2013 10:10 pm
Remember the saying for a bear attack? “You don’t have to be faster than the bear..just faster than one of your friends”.. I think the same thing applies to zombies..I prefer sweet e-liquid, so I probably smell awesome to a zombie :/ ..This is why I always keep a slow friend around.
Holden on March 6th, 2013 5:57 am
stogismkr on April 9th, 2013 12:20 am
AWESOME!!!!!
cobaltjord on April 9th, 2013 2:00 pm
This article is great!